Memories Fades,'

Construction worker on the 5th floor of a building needed a handsaw.

So he spots another worker on the ground floor and yells down to him, but he can't hear him.

So the worker on the 5th floor tries sign language.

He pointed to his eye meaning "I", pointed to his knee meaning "need", then moved his hand back and forth in a hand saw motion.

The man on the ground floor nods his head, pulls down his pants, whips out his chop and starts masturbating.

The worker on 5th floor gets so pissed off he runs down to the ground floor and says, "What the fuck is your problem!!!

I said I needed a hand saw!".

The other guy says, "I knew that! I was just trying to tell you - I'm coming!"

Two lovers fall on hard times and decided to rob a bank together.The first lover plans the robbery and goes over the plan with the second lover in great detail.

The robbery begins.The first lover drives up in front of the bank, stops the car and says to the other lover, "I want to make absolutely sure you understand the plan.

You are supposed to be in and out of the bank in no more than three minutes with the cash. Do you understand the plan?"

"Perfectly," he said.

He goes in the bank while the other waits in the getaway car.

One minute passes, two minutes pass...seven minutes pass - and the first lover is really stressing out.Finally, the bank doors burst open and out he comes.

He's got a safe wrapped up in rope and is dragging it to the car.

About the time he gets the safe in the trunk of the car, the bank doors burst open again with the security guard coming out.
The guard's pants and underwear are down around his ankles while he is firing his weapon.

As the guys are getting away, the first lover says "I thought you understood the plan!"

The second lover said, "I did! I did exactly what you said!"

"No, you idiot," he replied. "You got it all mixed up. I said tie up the GUARD and blow the SAFE!"

Old aunties used to come up to me at weddings, poking me inthe ribs and cackling, telling me,
"You're next."

They stopped after I started doing the same thing to them at funerals.

Doctor : I regret to tell you that you have a brain tumour.

Mr. Bean : Yesss!!! (jumps in joy)

Doctor : Did you understand what I just told you?

Mr. Bean : Yes of course, do you think I'm dumb?

Doctor : Then why are you so happy?

Mr. Bean : Because that proves that I have a brain!

Mike wanted to have sex with a girl in his office but she belonged to someone else.

One day Mike got so frustrated that he went up to her and said, "I'llgive you $100 if you let me have you!"

But the girl said "NO!"

Mike said, "I'll be fast, I'll throw the money on the floor, you benddown and I'll be finished by the time you pick it up."

She thought for a moment and said that she would have to consult herboyfriend, so she called her boyfriend and told him the story.

Her boyfriend said, "Ask him for $200, then pick up the money very fast.He won't even be able to get his pants down."

So she agrees and accepts the proposal.

Half an hour goes by and theboyfriend is waiting for his girlfriend to call.Finally after 45 minutes the boyfriend calls and asks what happened.

She replied, "ahh.. The bastard used coins!"

One little boy and a little girl went to play in the beach, and went back to their home with lots of sand.

When the father was bathing the little boy, the boy asked, "What is this?"

The father replied, "This is your car, it is used to be inserted into a garage."

Similarly, the girl asked her mother when she was bathing her, "Mom, what is this?"

The mother replied, "Oh, this is your garage, NEVER let a car park into your garage, understand?"

The following day, the kids went to the beach again.

The little boy went back, crying loudly.

His parents asked why, and he said, pulling down his pants, "I tried to put my car into her garage, but she pulled my wheels out!"

What's the difference between stress, tension and panic?

Stress is when wife is pregnant,

Tension is when girlfriend is pregnant,

and Panic is when both are pregnant.

Teacher: u know the importance of period?

Kid: Ya, once my sister said she has missed one, my mom fainted, dad got a heart attack & our driver ran away.

Two men met while both were looking for their lost wives.

1st: How urs look like?

2nd: She is 5"7, 36-24-36, Fair, Black eyes. Wat abt urs?

1st: Forget mine. Lets find urs!!

Mother to her teenage daughter: I think this is the right time we should talk about sex. Daughter (Excitedly): Sure mom, tell me what do you want to know...
Mother Faints...

May darkness engulf me and never be seen again
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